June 2011
2 posts
May 2011
3 posts
Fuck you, Nicotine
Sometimes you decide to quit smoking and last several days and throw numerous temper tantrums that rival even the most misbehaven spoiled fucking toddler’s because “oh God, NOBODY understands me and what I’m going through and I want to stab that lady right there in the face for no reason and oh forget it I’ll just break down and have a sobbing fit in my car and stop traffic...
April 2011
2 posts
March 2011
1 post
Earthquake?
Yes?
Edit: it was the cat. carry on.
February 2011
2 posts
January 2011
1 post
December 2010
2 posts
henryeatspeople asked: When your lying on your side at night and your boobs are all falling all over themselves, do you ever just stick your finger in the middle of them and pretend it's a dick?
I do.
I do.
November 2010
3 posts
jesserelley-deactivated20111212 asked: hi
Guilty Conscience
Last I left off I was traveling the globe with a very kind, very generous, very awesome human being. He loved me a lot. I loved him too. A whirlwind romance led to cohabitation in an apartment most people only dream of living in. Things were pretty good. Then I went back to work. The thing about working on the road is that you live in the moment. You have no choice. You get stuck with a...
June 2010
5 posts
LA Smokers...
Take it from me. Do NOT throw your cigarettes out your car window.
A) It’s naughty to litter
B) If you’re caught, you will spend 8 hours picking up trash on the side of the 405 (plus a $500 fine).
Oh, the glamour.
I smell. My feet hurt. I spent the day with convicts.
Hmph.
May 2010
10 posts
Him: I just had a dream that I had two dicks
Me: Where was the second one?
Him: Right next to the other one.
Me: (falls back to sleep)
An hour later...
Me: I just had a dream that you grew a giant starfish on your crotch to cover up your multiple dicks.
Him: Were you afraid I was gonna put them both in the same hole? Cause I totally wasn't
Whiskey Shots
last night were completely unnecessary. Where’s my purse?
April 2010
3 posts
March 2010
7 posts
Bay Area Shenanigans
I’m planning a 4 day trip up to SF with my broseph and would LOVE some suggestions on awesome shit to do/ cool places to take pictures. Also… where the hell should we stay? Union Square? Fisherman’s Wharf? I know nothing about the bay area so message me or reblog with tips! I love you.
White Castle
just delivered 300 burgers to my office.
White Castle -1
Gingerkid - 0
This hurts.
That old familiar feeling
Funemployment starts 3/19.
It’s incredibly relieving coming off of a 7 month gig that keeps you glued to your cell phone and computer 24/7. Looking forward to taking a breather and parking my ass on a beach somewhere for a few days.
That being said, the knot in my stomach has doubled in size since I received my out-date. Not know where or when my next paycheck will come from swept the...
February 2010
6 posts
Dear Pregnant Women,
You know those newfangled super ultra mega 3D ultrasound images? STOP posting them on social networking sites. Just stop it already. I don’t need to see a picture of your half-created fetus that looks exactly like Sloth from Goonies.
You’re creeping me out.
Love, The ginge
You tattooed his name WHERE?!
Office PA: (looking at computer screen, covering her face in horror)
Me: Whatcha doin?
Office PA: Watching this video of a guy getting his tattoo removed. Ugh.
Me: Oh, God! (pretends to vomit) That looks painful! Is his skin melting?
Office PA: I think so. Ugh. I need to get my ex-boyfriends name removed. It’s REALLY gonna hurt.
Me: Where’s the tattoo?
Office PA: On my...
I guess someone farted on my pillow
Woke up with pink eye. Guhross.
January 2010
12 posts
Women
Are supposed to be soft. Enough of this skinny bullshit.
